The Storms of Life Swirled Around Me

I’ve come to the realization that when bad things happen, and you have no one to talk to, God is the greatest comforter and constant you could ever need.  You can’t see him, but when you really need it, his comfort is greater than any embrace you could receive and more warming than any hand you could ever hold.  Today when I got home from school today, I needed that comfort more than anything.  I ate, played Chefville on facebook, watched two episodes of a new TV show, and hugged my pillow.  I even shed a few tears.  And, after resting for a few hours and talking to God, I felt enormously better.

Today I saw what I think was a black widow spider hanging from the rafters in the Art Annex.  First off, I do not like spiders.  They’re cool to look at inside of a terrarium, but once they’re out and about and have the potential to land on me, I’m not alright.  I asked a guy in my class to kill it.  He wouldn’t but he was more than willing to get rid of it.  But once we all got to talking about it, my teacher said, “Well this is a warehouse…Spiders are pretty rampant.”  I said, “Yes, but I can’t see them,” and the Lord rebuked me.  He said, “Naturally, if you do not see them, they do not exist.”  How stupid does that sound?  Because I can’t see these spiders, they aren’t really here.  I’m convinced we treat God and his promises like this.  We have to remind ourselves constantly never to allow our circumstances to dictate how we feel.  There is no limit to what God is able to do and repeating this to myself when things happen that are difficult to handle has done WONDERS for myself over the years.  I don’t stress about small things. I don’t freak out or get angry as often as I used to.  Life goes on, and on, and on and eventually, you have to realize that life is not as bad as you make it out to be.

During this time waiting for a mate, I’ve begun to discover that the things that are important in your life really don’t matter.  These patches of dark in life: car accidents, family deaths, getting fired, failing a test — are all just tiny moments of pain that we somehow maximize in our minds as things that are all consuming.  We act like these things that happen to us somehow make life and ourselves less worthwhile.  And, from there, we grasp at straws and strive for things that we aren’t called to.  This is especially true when it comes to relationships.  Somehow, we maximize not having a hand to hold as something extremely horrible.  Because of this, we wear our hearts on our shoulders, and fall for any person willing to pay us any attention. Then, we get disappointed when they aren’t interested when we never really cared for them to begin with.  I did that today, I’m ashamed to say; and I kicked myself because it was so moronic that I was being like that when I know better.  Something my pastor has said though, is that sometimes it takes time for our emotions to line up with what we know to be true.

Here’s the truth: being single is NEVER a bad thing.  Singleness opens a person’s days up for meditation on God (1 Corinthians 7).  When a person is single, they don’t have to plan out their day with another person in mind and they don’t have to endure the same drama that married people do.  So, to my readers, go hug a pillow and talk to God.  Don’t be so consumed with having someone that you forget the Someone who promised never to leave you or forsake you.  And, when you do get married, take as many pictures as you can, cherish every moment, try everything and go everywhere.  We only have this life on earth and there is no marriage in Heaven.  Place high value on singleness and on marriage.  You only live once.

To my husband: As always,
I have loved you since today.

April Morton, Author of I have loved you since…  is a writer, student and designer with a love for all things bridal.  

Eliminating Flirtatiousness

Something that is becoming more and more apparent to me during this season is that I have a problem with flirting.  What I’ve discovered is that when I flirt, it’s really me acting out of the un-renewed part of me.  My un-renewed self has a tantrum and my spirit – the continually transformed me that operates according to the word of God no matter what – is always ill at ease and understands that I must make God my all.  Something that God ministered to me on this is that as I wait for you, God must become my husband because only then will I become a better version of me and a better match for you.  Only then will I be able to receive all the comfort he has for me, especially when it comes to this waiting period.

There is immense power in hugging a pillow and praying for the God of all comfort to wrap his arms around you.  But the most powerful thing a person can do during this time is to tell their flesh NO.  When I say “flesh,” I don’t mean “flesh” as in “sexual desire” – although it can be that.  In this particular situation, when I say “flesh,” I mean the burden of loneliness.  Just like the way God manifests himself as the answer to any question or problem in your life, and as the fulfillment of any need in your life, the flesh can also manifest itself as anything in your life.  Thinking about it now, when I said that I stopped allowing myself to become lonely, what I really should have said was that I no longer allow myself to wallow in depression over feeling lonesome.  Here’s why: being flirtatious is just another manifestation of that same loneliness.

You see, something my pastor said today that I thought was absolutely powerful was, “Satan tempts us in the language we know based on the images and words we’ve been previously exposed to.”  On an everyday basis, we are constantly bombarded with words and images that spark things in us that don’t need to be awakened and provoke loneliness in us when we have no reason to feel that way.  This is why it is so important to be careful about the romantic movies you watch, romance novels you read, what music you listen to, whose counsel you heed, and what relationships you allow into your life.  What I had to discover was that when I get bombarded with words and images, all it really is a strategic attack of the enemy to get me to doubt Gods promises in my life.  But, instead of responding with the Word, I didn’t even notice that I was responding by flirting with any guy that would pay me any attention.

Pastor Mike said, “These words and images become part of Satan’s arsenal for temptation and suggestion in your life.”  This temptation can come in many different forms; but when it comes to this intimacy struggle, the main forms that it can take are self-pity, loneliness, depression, low self-esteem, and the illusion of something you’re “missing,” but really, you aren’t “missing” anything.  There are two separate graces required for singleness and marriage and when you allow yourself to feel any of these ways, you end up cursing your portion; you end up saying that God is not enough and that he’s somehow inept at supplying any need you may have, or at giving you the desires of your heart.

The fact of the matter is that “what you don’t have now, you don’t need now (Michael T. Smith).”  I had to learn that you can’t force yourself to be in a grace you’re not prepared for.  You haven’t learned yourself yet and you haven’t become the person God destined you to be yet.  It’s like a little girl trying on her mother’s shoes: you aren’t ready to fill those shoes yet.  I’ve tried so often to force a grace that’s not on me yet and all it’s done is scratched the insides of my soul and led to too many heartbreaks and heartaches.

So, to my readers, I leave you with this final thought: “Marriage is NOT a cure all (Creflo A. Dollar).”  If you don’t take care of your loneliness and discipline your flesh when it comes to this intimacy struggle now, you will be unfulfilled in marriage.

To my husband, my commitment to you is that I will be faithful in the Grace I’ve been given.  I promise you that I will be content in this waiting period the way that I will be content being married to you.  I won’t settle for second best and miss out on you, and I won’t allow myself to operate in mediocrity.  I promise to be a representation of God’s love and grace in your life always.

As always,

I have loved you since today.

April Morton, Author of I have loved you since…  is a writer, student and designer with a love for all things bridal.  

The Contract

I was reading a book that my friend Dietrice let me borrow called And The Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh; it’s an absolute MUST READ for any young woman of any age, and as I read it, I came across the Loose Lips Contract and Strategic Exit Phrases.  I took the liberty of pasting my own below.

   Loose Lip Contract
I will keep my lips loose on a date.  I commit to do the following (Gresh):

A. I will begin each dating relationship with a “tennis-ball” load of questions.  Once I have found someone who meets my “dream” list, I will date him using these guidelines for conversation (Gresh):

I will not discuss marriage to him until he romantically and lovingly makes the commitment to ask me to marry him (Gresh).
I will not discuss sex, physical contact, or my physical desires with him (Gresh).
I will keep physical contact to a minimum: the line stops at holding hands;
I will restrict our meetings to public places and remain vertical.
I will communicate a desire to live a lifestyle of purity (Gresh).

B. If I ever find myself out of bounds, I will cease immediately and point myself towards these strategic exit phrases:

Isn’t it cool that God is watching us every minute (Gresh)?
Hey, have I told you that my father dusts me for fingerprints when I get home from a date (Gresh)? 
Did you know that my dad was in the military?  He knows about one hundred ways to kill someone and not leave any evidence.
Did you know that my dad owns four shotguns and a Cadillac?
I think I just started my period.
I don’t feel well, can you take me home?
I recently got over a UTI and I have to pee.  Can you take me somewhere?
You probably shouldn’t get too close.  I have a pretty strong can of mace that can explode any minute.
Is my taser on? Let me make sure it is.
I think this is going too far, too fast.  Please get off of me.
     
 SIGNATURE: April Morton
                       DATE: September 14, 2012

Please be aware that this is Dannah Gresh’s Loose Lip contract but it is tailored to myself and the last eight exit phrases belong to me.  This contract is not particularly formal, but it is very useful. I would encourage you to make your own following the same format as the one listed under Documents in the tabs above.  I urge you, please don’t take this contract lightly.  When you write your eight additional exit phrases and sign your name you are committing to walk this out through hell or high water.  Commit to it.  Also included on this site is a page on the levels of intimacy in relationships also found in the book. Something that the author, Dannah Gresh, advised was to write out where your line was; in other words, where you will not go in regards to intimacy, until you are married. When I was completing this activity, I had determined to have my line stop at holding hands. I vowed that I would never kiss a man again until I’d met the man that I was going to marry and he had proposed.  Needless to say, this was easier said than done.

It took a while before the seriousness of my commitment sank in and I made  many mistakes in relationships along the way.  But when I seriously committed to this contract, I went out of the dating game for a while.  When I finally did start seeing someone again, while I maintained purity, I lowered my standard.  I behaved like a woman on the verge of getting married rather than what I was: a single, unattached woman of God.  Neither of us had any claims on the other and our parents and even our mentors saw that neither of us was ready or mature enough for that type of commitment.  We were in the throws of puppy love, not GOD ORDAINED love.

Once that relationship was over, and I had gotten past my grief at losing him, and my anger at having my heart broken, I began to discover something that I hadn’t realized about that relationship.  That relationship had been so all consuming to me, that I had thought it was the ultimate, but looking back, I was willing to overlook all reason to be with him. Things had happened so quickly and I was so completely head over heels for him, that I had begun to neglect the wisdom of people in my life who I had already asked to keep me in line; and no one could say anything to me contrary to what I was feeling because how could they understand?

My lesson to you, dear reader, is don’t EVER abandon the wisdom of people in your life.  Always value it because it could save you from heartache.  When I was with him, No one was on board with my decision; not because my choice in who I wanted to be with wasn’t of any value, it just wasn’t what was best for me.  “You have to ask yourself, how of God the relationship really is, if you have to hurt yourself or others to keep it,” these are the words my pastor said not too long ago in regards to this very issue.  I was hurting myself by neglecting the wisdom that would have saved me from time wasted and from heartache.

What I’ve come to understand is that when the time is right, and you meet the person you believe that God intended for you, “there will be agreement from everyone that matters (Michael T. Smith)” that this relationship is God ordained.  I’ve realized that struggling to find something that I never needed to piece together has been completely unnecessary. “God knows exactly what you’ll need for the correct season of life that you’ll need it in (Michael T. Smith).”  You don’t need to struggle to be in God’s perfect will for your life and you don’t need to struggle to make a man fit the criteria for the man.  At the end of the day, the person you have forced to fit that mold will never truly fit that mold, they’ll simply be what they were: a man. Only the person God intended for you will truly be everything you ever wanted and then some.  But make sure you know what to look for, because when that time comes, the experience of it is completely beyond anything you could have ever dreamed.  When that day comes, you want to be able to say with confidence, “You were worth waiting for.”
To all of you who are curious, I’ll be sure to post my list on the blog under “Documents” along with the Loose Lips Contract and the Steps to Physical Intimacy for downloading purposes.

To my husband,

Those very words are what I’ve always wanted to say to you.  Pretty words in a page-and-a-half length letter would never have compared to those five words: You were worth waiting for. I’m writing today in a room next to some windows overlooking the St. Johns.  I hope these words reach you well.  As always,
I’ve loved you since today.

April Morton, Author of I have loved you since…  is a writer, student and designer with a love for all things bridal.  

The Perfect Date

By choice, I haven't dated anyone since 2005. Yes, it has been six years and I am completely okay with that. However, I have been on many dates, with a great person with excellent qualities. That person is ME! :-) Sounds weird, but I have been dating myself for a few years now. Why, you ask? Well, quite frankly I feel as the child of the King, I deserve the best and so do YOU.

As single women, we often live in the,"one day when I get a man"fantasy. "One day when I get a man"… I am going to go on a European excursion. "One day when I get a man"… I am going to wear the nicest dress and Christian Louboutin shoes and be taken to a 5 star restaurant. Well, my question is, why wait? If there is something you want to do, someplace you want to go; why must you wait for a man? If you have the resources, why not date yourself?

When was the last time you treated yourself to fine dining in some of your best clothes and afterwards experienced an evening of some quality entertainment? Or the last time you had fun at an amusement park or a picnic. So what if you don't have a date, you can date yourself! Being single does not equate to boredom and loneliness. You can have a very fulfilling single life. I have treated myself to some pretty exciting dates. I have even bought new outfits and shoes to see a musical. I have cooked candlelit dinners for myself. It is during singlehood, you can spend quality time with God, and have great fellowship time together. The possibilities are endless.

In dating yourself, you begin to discover the qualities that God placed in you. You learn what it is that you desire in your future mate. I discovered that I have a great sense of humor and I am a tad bit of an adventuress. With that being said, my future mate must have a sense of humor and be open to new and exciting exploits. So what is your idea of The Perfect Date? What are some of your good qualities? What are some qualities you want in a mate? Instead of waiting on a man to take you on a date, why not become your own Perfect Date?

Keep It Real: You Want to Get Married

Many young girls have dreams of being courted by Prince Charming, longs for the day he bows down on one knee with a rock that all of her girlfriends, enemies, family and even Queen Elizabeth would envy; and answers yes to his question, "Would you marry me?". She has visions of the house on the hill with the white picket fence, two car garage, 2.5 kids and a dog name "Sammy". But often, through life's disappointments and relationship heartbreaks, she loses sight of her dream. She begins to settle for less in many areas of her life, including men. Instead of Prince Charming, she takes "Kermit the frog." Some may even tell themselves they don't ever want to get married.

Okay!! I used obvious exaggerations to make this point; many of us have allowed our limited minds to take the place of the possibilities in our hearts. We have deceived our hearts into denying our true desires. This has/may/can happen in any area of life, but today I want to deal with the desire to marry.

Throughout the last eight years, I've had the chance to meet some interesting people (to say the very least). I attended many events at my local church geared toward singles; conferences, workshops, fun nights, etc. Some common things that I heard singles say were; "I don't want to get married", "I am waiting on God to send my Boaz", or "As long as I've got Jesus I don't need no man..." okay. I do believe for some marriage may not be a part of God's purpose for their lives. I do believe that one should wait for God's timing, wisdom, and guidance for the right mate. And, I do believe our relationship with God must bring us to wholeness before we enter into the covenant of marriage. However, to keep it real, if most single women would take a look at the true desires of their heart, it will reveal they really desire to be married.
Single
God promised to grant us the desire of our hearts if we take pleasure in Him (See Psalm 37:4). The key words here are our hearts, not the deceptive limited thoughts of our heads. I honestly believe that some of our prayers are not answered because we attempt to cover up and deny our true pure unadulterated hearts. As you begin to spend time with God, He will begin to deposit His desires into your heart. Today ask yourself what are your desires for a future mate? I am talking about those true desires, not the "I want to be the wife of a NFL player" fantasies; but those characteristics that will compliment your life's calling. Realize that even though you are single, you do not have to be lonely. This is the time you can have uninterrupted fellowship with God; develop your relationship with yourself and with others.